Uneasy Silence
by muldy
Summary: "'Are you so afraid to tell me that the two of you are seeing each other,' she asked quietly." A missing scene from Endgame. (J/C)


She hadn't expected it when he came storming into her Ready Room, remaining completely silent until the door closed behind him. Then it didn't take him long to admit why he was there.

'What did you tell Seven?'

Her eyebrows shot up as she observed him. She hadn't seen him this angry in years and instantly she knew why.

Damn that Admiral was manipulative, if she'd known her better she would have guessed she had told Seven something that would make her push Chakotay away.

And she knew her pretty well.

' _I_ haven't told her anything,' she stood up, instantly defensive. 'And I can't control what the Admiral does.'

'Well perhaps you should have,' he snapped in response.

'Why?'

She folded her arms across her chest as she asked, knowing full well that it would force him to admit to her their relationship.

He hesitated, realising the same thing at the same moment.

'It doesn't matter, as you said, it's out of your control,' he said snidely, then turned to leave.

'Are you so afraid to tell me that the two of you are seeing each other?' she asked quietly.

He froze in his spot and she watched as his shoulders slumped, his hands balled slightly into fists, then relaxed again. She knew he didn't want to admit it to her, and if she was honest she didn't really want to be having this conversation either, but the fact he was hiding it from her hurt.

Both because she liked to think they told each other everything, and because deep down she knew it meant he felt guilty about having moved on.

He turned to face her, jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed.

And then as his eyes fell on her, it all faded and he slowly took a few steps towards her.

'We've had three dates,' he said quietly. 'And whatever you, the older you, said to her has her trying to push me away in case I get hurt. And if you cost me this relationship…'

She felt her eyebrows raising as he trailed off. 'If I cost you this relationship? I haven't done anything.'

'Not yet,' he replied.

'If you want to marry Seven, Chakotay, go ahead. It's none of my business,' she broke their eye contact and walked around her desk, heading for the window.

They might still be in space, but she suddenly felt very claustrophobic, and felt like looking out the window would help her breathe a little more, even if her only view was the darkness.

He grabbed her arm as she walked by him. It wasn't a firm grip, she could have easily pulled away, but it was definitely enough to halt her movement.

She looked at him and could see the pain in his eyes.

'Marry her?' he asked quietly.

She didn't respond, just held his gaze, knowing her eyes would be fierce and angry but hoping that he could see underneath it how much that information had hurt her.

Because it had dug a knife in deeper than anything else she had been told. And she hated that she knew 23 crew members died on their journey home, but that the thing that upset her was knowing Chakotay married someone else.

More than that, that he married her closest friend on board.

The panic rose inside her and she pulled her arm away from him and continued to the window, feeling only slightly better as she stood in front of it and looked out at the stars.

'It would have been you, if you'd let it be.'

His words rung through the Ready Room as though part of a never ending echo and she almost choked on her own breath as she registered what he'd just said.

Tears began forming in her eyes and she refused to turn and look at him, refused to let him see how much that had affected him.

It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him, she did, every moment of every day she longed for his touch against her skin, his lips against hers, his arms holding her tight. But she couldn't have it.

And maybe it had been stupid to think he would wait forever, but the timing was so horrific she felt like it was almost the universe mocking her.

'You can go, Commander,' she tried to sound demanding but her voice was far too shaky.

And instead of leaving she heard his footsteps come towards her. She almost swung around to scream at him to get out when she felt his hand lightly touch her arm and her insides froze.

'Kathryn…' he said quietly.

'If you care enough for her to come in here accusing me of ruining your relationship you should probably leave. Now,' she responded, feeling every part of her body tense up at his presence.

For a few moments he stood there in complete silence and she could almost hear him thinking as he did so.

Then his hand dropped from her arm and she could hear his footsteps retreating towards the door.

The tension flowed out of her body the further away he got and she almost breathed a sigh of relief. Then she heard him stop.

'I still love you,' he said quietly. 'I'll always love you, but I can't wait forever.'

And as the tears filled her eyes she heard him exit the Ready Room. She stayed frozen in her position for what felt like an eternity, until Tuvok's voice interrupted her, requesting her presence on the Bridge.

'I'll be right there,' she replied, hurriedly wiping the tears from her face and hoping no evidence was left behind.

After all, she had a crew to get home. Her feelings could be dealt with later.


End file.
